my space

Hand in hand we walked in the sun

2011-09-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hand in hand we walked in the sun
tasted the rain and the teardrops...
together we saw the stars in the sky...
You held my hand and helped me walk..

It was love I thought and wanted to try...

I looked in the river..
the reflection of you and me was looking back at me...

I called your name..
I heard nothing back..
I looked around you were there
But could not hear me...

I cried but you did not see...

I tried to reach you..
But you could not see..

Season of love...

2011-03-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

I remember it rained that day......like a flower drenched in water after rain...
I could not look up...look up... in your eyes with the fear i might drown......
...monsoon....
when it was something unfelt...it was something new....wanted you to kiss away the drops of water....rain left over my face...
...before I could hold your hand... before I could see the colors of love....
...it was winter...
Winter....cold and harsh....wanted to feel you ...wanted you to stop...wanted to tell u it was love I din know...alone in the dark I used to cry ,,,wanted you to come back to never say goodbye wanted to hear the sweetest lie...wanted to be in your arms and sleep like a child....

The post is not complete yet :-(

phhhhewww...!!!!!!!

2010-01-06T02:35:00.000-08:00

Life without them was so calm and unruffled. I never really missed them but all good things have to come to an end and surprise......surprise they came for a visit and only to my despair that too in the morning.

My mornings (in weekdays) are never calm as I am always in a rush to make it on time. Due to my short falling excuses of being late I was told that my conveyance to reach office will move at 8:20a.m with or without me. And believe me it is not that easy to reach office by public transport. But they (self invited guest), they would never understand this.

“I swear I woke up on time but there was this really really big cockroach near the washbasin which is near the entrance of my bathroom. So I got....” I rehearsed whether this time my excuse for being late sounded convincing enough to be pardoned. I knew even if it was aliens instead of cockroaches still I will be screwed. So I had no option but to get ready that too on time. I tried to make all kind of noises with my foot and throw things varying in sizes to scare him of... but it seems as if he was meditating or something. I looked at him closely no way I can not kill this beautiful or whatever(Please add some adjective yourself) creation of God just because I am big and it is small. It also has a right to live...Damn I don’t have the guts to hit this Big and really ugly pest!!! I gathered myself and as it was not moving at all I thought of brushing my teeth. But all in vain the thought of his moustache touching my feet was enough to call it quits. It didn’t took me long to realize that there is no other option but to bring the high jump classes that we were given in school in use and make it to the bathroom.

I locked the door and first thing I did was I looked all around the bathroom hoping that its family is not having a feast in my bathroom. Then I took the shortest shower of my life, again ran as fast as I could (sigh) and reach office almost on time just to realize that I forgot to brush my teeth.

Holy****

"What's in a name?”

2009-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

What was his name? We wondered…..But "What's in a name?”

Though he is not on the dot punctual but every morning around 7 the bell would ring and without asking who it was one us would scream “coming”. My mother opens the door most often for him and in case he is not on time, she will ask chantingly “Bhaiya got late today?” I never heard of any response. I guess the time he took thinking for some excuse the simultaneous task of refilling the milk cans got over. And my mother without realizing that she asked him a question would collect the milk cans and shut the door.

Once in two or three years when he will ask for a price hike my mother would use her bargaining skills efficiently and say “Bhaiya you are serving us since ten years(hearing this since I was five), we deserve some discount.” Authoritatively she will quote a price for the monthly bill to which he will agree submissively.

I sometimes wondered did he acknowledge that in last 20 years I have grown from the little girl who used to rush to open the door at 7 in the morning to collect milk cans from him to young and independent (or rather semi-dependent) lass.

Last Saturday I was busy reading newspaper (obviously gossip column) bell rang which I completely ignored and dedicatedly continued reading newspaper. My mom first completed the ritual of screaming “Coming” and then opened the door.
“Bhaiya got late today?” she asked. But this time I heard a reply
“Didi, Aafreeda is getting married” he said.
“Aafreeda?”
“My daughter” presenting a box of sweets he said “Nikah is on 29th”
“Congratulations” said my mother

After shutting the door she asked"did u know his daughter's name is Aafreeda?"
Obviously I knew what she meant. within a split sec she asked "What is his name?"
We wondered....22years..and we never knew his name..But ironically enough...."What's in a name?”

So she fell for him…

2008-09-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

So she fell for him…

“its always like he is standing there, every one is looking at him….appreciating him talking about him, cheering him and then he ignores all the people and looks straight into my eyes and then…..he gives me a smirk….as if he is saying now you know I am superior” is what she used to say…... Few words changed eventually but the meaning changed drastically.

I remember initially she didn’t used to like him much (I don’t know whether the feeling was mutual) in fact she used to envy him sometimes or may be most of the time for his intelligence, competence and the fact that being almost same in work he used to get all the recognition and appreciation she wanted.

It was difficult for her to accept that one is still better even if two are best.

I don’t know how everything happened but what I know that everything happened at snail’s pace. She fell for him and the simple sounding four letter word LOVE, changed everything and now this is what she has to say.
“Every one is looking at him….appreciating him talking about him, cheering him and then he ignores all the people and then he looks straight into my eyes and then…..gives me a smile….as if he is saying now you know I love you”

getting nostalgic

2008-06-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

Few days back I went to a place which used to be a favorite hangout for me and my friends in school.

It was the place where.........(guys hold on your imagination and read..)

My friend was teaching me how to ride a scooty. We started on from a secluded road but I got over confident or may be it was the crazy notion that every teenager has that “…nothing can go wrong…..”I turned the scooty towards the market and increased the speed.........My friend was constantly asking me to slow down…..but how could anything go wrong…… everything was under control…..under my control.

And before I could even realize anything I heard “…I told u to slow down”. It was voice of my friend. I opened my eyes and saw people around….me and my friend were lying on road…I could see stars above her head(were there any stars above mine??? Never mind) The funniest thing was that I was still giving race to the scooty with my hands lying down on road….. I took some time to realize that we have met with an accident.....

ohh shit...accident....!!!!!When we were back to our senses …..We still were not feeling any pain. What we both were scared about were our parents…..I looked at my friend she had bruises on her knee. And I had bruises on my hand the rare view mirror of the scooty broke and the glasses were all over my hand. I had major wounds on my knees, shoulders and face (very near to eyes). We went back to my friend’s home and looking at the severity of our accident we decided not to tell our parents about it.

We changed our clothes as the jeans got torn around the knees and the next two big things to deal were
1) get the scooty repaired
2) hide the big bruise near my eyes as rest of them we covered with our clothes

We dashed out all the lil cash we had to get the scooty repaired and believe me it was very ‘lil……..I spread my hair over my face to hide the wound near my eyes……..but I guess mothers of all smart kids(or dumb kids who pretend to b smart) are a lot more smarter. Her mother smelled detol and we were caught.

Next thing we decided is that that we will tell our parents that the other person was driving, so that we can save our skin and all the blame would go to the other person. Which could have worked if our parents never met……..but they did.

We were taken to hospital…both of us got a big injections and believe me sometimes things can go wrong.

What I managed to do effectively was … I never told my parents about the wound that was there on my shoulder and even today my mom spend some quality time thinking from where did I get scar on my shoulder…

It was the place where I met first road accident of my life…… It was the place which made me realize that you should always pay heed to your friend’s advice….

Especially when a friend is sitting on the back seat and that too without helmet…

Why ???

2008-06-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

I was in a restaurant waiting for my sis to get food for me. I was looking in the direction of my sis so that I don’t miss her as the place was so damn crowded. Doing so I saw a lady come and sit in front of me. She was with a girl who seemed to be around 12 so I guessed she might be her grand mother. The young left her instantly with a small girl who seemed to be around 2 years to get food.

She was very old, she took a while to sit and adjust to the bright lights of the restaurant.
I kept looking at her and before I could even realize I was staring her. She kept looking at the floor and not even for once she looked up or at me (I would have been damn conscious if someone stared me like I was staring her)

I got really curious and wanted to know why she seemed to be so disinterested in everything... the people around.... the food and even her granddaughter who was sitting beside her and could have fallen from the chair any moment.

I was asking my self why she is here if she didn’t want to be. ……..

All I could think was may b bcoz her grandchildren wanted her to be there and she complied unwillingly...

Do we live for others when we grow old???????????

'coz I Love U

2008-06-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you are a smile on my face
Twinkle in my eyes

U are a wish
When I close my eyes

You are tears in my eyes
When my heart is not light

You are the one in my arms
When I am alone

You are the silence of my heart
When the words I speak are left unheard

You are my reason to remain

You are my craziness

You are my sweetest dream
When I wake up smiling

You are in my lies
When people ask why I smile

You are my shadow
When I walk the streets alone

Sometimes love
Sometimes Life
U are with me every time

Stray Pet

2008-05-14T05:19:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was in my sleep and was disturbed by a noise. A noise that I figured out was the noise of dogs barking on streets. One of them started and all others joined. All of them barked in chorus. I tried to go back to my dreams but could not…the noise was getting louder and angrier. I just couldn’t sleep and irritated I started abusing all of them for disturbing my sleep.

For my sadistic pleasure I started imagining all the stray dogs in a spooky place and all of them in cages. I was enjoying visualizing all of them one by one (whatever there names were……some of them wouldn’t even have names) detained….barking helplessly but no one would come to there rescue as it was my dream….my imagination. They all should not even exist I wished. I was enjoying being a devil and I almost back in my sleep that I saw a very sad looking brown dog who was not barking at all as if it has been betrayed.

I woke up immediately and lying on my bed I tried to recall where I had seen the brown dog. And it was not too long that I realized that the brown dog was Jackie. Jackie – yes it was Jackie our stray pet …..It was a stray dog but was a pet for all of us(me and my neighbors)…….Jackie was our hero….. Jackie used to walk along us while going to school. We used to discuss Jackie in school, while coming back from school in bus and he used to wag his tail and wait for all of us on our bus stop. We used to play with him but what happened to him. He was there when I was 10 and now after 10 years I couldn’t even remember what happened to him…..where did he go??? How I never realized his absence….and how did he just disappeared even from our conversations….

Many questions popped up in my mind except.... is he dead…???...as I already knew the answer

Realization

2008-05-13T05:12:00.000-07:00

I have always been in love with Gurgaon. The city where I was born and brought up- my home. To be in love with the city where you have spent your lifetime is quite natural but I have also been proud of it. The malls, skyscrapers, even the traffic jams and all other chaos. I could never think of settling down to any other place in this world at any cost.

Few days back I went to Manali with my friends. I have never been so close to nature. As soon as we reached there we went to the riverside and I was mesmerized by the serenity of the nature and it cannot be expressed in words. Even right now (writing this blog) I can close my eyes and recall everything. The sound of gushing water, the clear sky, the purity in the air…everything I can live them all over again. After the whole day when I feel a bit exhausted and searched for a soothing song to hear and relax I felt helpless as the sound of water gushing is the best music I have ever heard.

I wish I could sleep on one of the rocks there for eternity……yup “Lay like this forever till the sky falls back on me…..”

When we were returning back home there was a strange feeling a feeling unknown. The feeling of being home again was missing. The gushing sound of water was missing instead there was noise of honking horns …... I couldn’t see the sky shining with stars…. All I could see all around was skyscrapers…hoardings…bright lights…the purity in air???? I felt I’ll choke… I wanted to go back…..back to my home….this was a place unknown.

I realized nature is where we all belong ….

Still Alive

2008-05-07T05:20:00.001-07:00

Still Alive

Behind every smile of mine
there is a crying heart
as some dreams are destined to remain jus dreams

Beside tears there is
Shine in my eyes
As every moment of your presence is still alive
Memories – they still breathe
are still alive.

Why your thoughts follow my breath?
as night follow the light
and you dun know how much it hurts
when pain speaks – it speaks
my heartaches.
Even at times, tried remainin silent
But all that was heard was your voice.

Burning but still breathing
Dun know why, but still alive
Still alive

Nothing can quench thirst of fire
ashes are always left
cann’t part away from you
something is always left

You walked off my life as
soul from body touched by death
deprived but still breathing
dun know why, but I’m still alive
still alive…..

Adherence of Immortal Love

2008-05-01T04:54:00.000-07:00

Few days back my brother got his books for new session in school. He was very excited about everything and was placing all the books neatly in his bookrack. I picked up one of his English book and started scanning it for something interesting. One of the chapters was about The Chittaurgarh Fort in Rajasthan. Chittaugarh Fort is a living testimony of the bravery of the great Rajput rulers who laid down their life fighting a superior enemy instead of leading a life of submission was the first line of the chapter. But I was amazed learning the legend behind it; after doing a little Google on Chittaurgarh Fort, I would say there is an immortal love story of a king (Rana Rawal Ratan Singh) and a beautiful queen (Rani Padmini).

Rani Padmini was a regal beauty and no one could deny that. When Ala-ud-din Khilji, the ruler of Delhi, heard of Padmini’s beauty, he requested Rana Rattan Singh for a Glimpse of the queen. However, the Sultan was permitted to see only the reflection of the queen from water reservoir that overlooked the palace. Ala-ud-din was carried away by Padmini’s beauty and thought of attacking Chittor in order to possess her.
Rana accompanied him due to courtesy to gates of fort after he saw the reflection of Padmini. Rana was dishonestly arrested and kept as hostage for Padmini.

As per Padmini's plan, misleading information was sent to Alluddin that Padmini had decided to come to Ala-ud-din, but as her status demanded, she was to come with 700 women. Alla-ud-din agreed to this. The Rajputs were thus able to infiltrate about 2000 men into Alla-ud-din's camp. Each Palaqi (Palanquin) contained two Rajput soldiers and four men to lift it. Gora and Badal were leading this team. Ala ud din was told that Padmini desired a last interview with her husband and he agreed. The Rajputs were thus able to transport Ratan Singh to safety and make a fool out of the Khilji king. It was victory of love over conceit.

Beaten, Ala ud din returned to Delhi to come back better equipped early the next year. This time the Rajputs were out of luck and perished on the battlefield while their womenfolk, led by Maharani Padmini, performed Jauhar(voluntary death on a funeral pyre of the queens and royal womenfolk in order to avoid capture and dishonour at the hands of enemies). In particular, the sieges of Chittor, its brave defence by the Guhilas, the saga of Rani Padmini and the Jauhar she led are the legendary.

A big water reservoir with water gushing out of a rock shaped in the form of cow’s mouth called ‘ Gaumukh’ is close to the opening of the cave where Rani Padmini and the other women are believed to have performed jauhar . It still speaks of the sacrifice of a woman and her love.

The courage as well as self-respect of the queen is really acclaimed and inspite of sacrificing one’s mortal body to fire, she lived immortal signifying the rightness and bravery of Indian woman ….

nothing went wrong

2008-04-21T00:05:00.001-07:00

Do you believe in Love at first sight? I don’t... but some people do fall in love at first sight. If falling in love can be so spontaneous can’t falling out of love also be so spontaneous?

What happens in love at first sight you don’t know a person and you fall head over heels just at the sight of him/her (if I’m not wrong)? So is it possible that you know a person very well and are truly madly and deeply in love with him and one day just fall out of love???

…Well sounds so complicated...my blog is neither about fall in love at first sight nor about falling out of love it’s about what falls common between the two, LOVE and everything that falls with it. It’s about Shruti and Sumeet it’s about them.

Completely in love with each other, everything was perfect except his hair (ahh but that’s not important). When all the other girls who have boyfriends used to start a compliant session about there respective boyfriends, comparing them with others and start all the hue and cry. . . He doesn’t call me up …he has so many more female friends…why can’t he tell his parent about us… She used to try hard to come up with atleast one complaint about Sumeet just to be a part of conversation but never could. She was truly madly and deeply in love with him, everything about him. She knew him in and out and accepted him as he was and even got all the love she deserved from him.

But today they are not together what could have gone wrong?

She said I love him but I don’t feel the need of him…now what is that supposed to mean I was able to configure after a lot time.

She said everything was fine till one odd day I felt it’s all over and nothing went wrong, we were the same Shruti and Sumeet. So it’s your mistake I asked? “It’s not a mistake” she said “I did not do anything wrong I do feel bad about him but I can’t lie when he asks me Did you miss me?”

Like another friend I sympathetically said “everything will be fine…soon you will laugh about it” and she said “everything is fine you don’t have to feel sorry for me.”

…………….....

After joining her first job, the time they used to spend talking voraciously on phone and messaging reduced drastically. It is obvious that she can’t keep on whispering sweet things on phone when she is in office, I thought. And never did Sumeet expect her to do so. So I thought communication gap was the reason but to my surprise it wasn’t the time got reduced but there was no gap or anything.

Both of them were adjusting to there new schedules and Shruti succeeded in doing it. And we now in 2008 it could be very difficult doing it. But what about Sumeet he could not do it

That’s what the problem was…finally I realized that Shruti was right in saying nothing went wrong. She still loves him…but does not feel the need of him. What she forgot to mention is she got adjusted living with little him and now without him.

But what about Summet ?

The dream i had died las moonless night

2008-04-20T23:45:00.000-07:00

The dream I had died las moonless night

It tried to breathe
but choked,choked again and again

Strove hard to live
yet found hard to breathe

searched essentials to flourish
but
bleeded profusely

laid down to meet end with some ease....

No screams, no shouts
no scattered blood around
but the stillness around
shouted it loud.

God turned back to look what he has done,
destiny questioned self,
time stood still and asked can i help.

The dream i had died las moonless night...

Smile to a stranger

2008-04-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

One is me and
one is you
one on one but making a sum

Questions are many but answers are few
my eyes dun know you
then why heart do?

I can't hear you and neither can you
then whom I'm talking to ?

Dun know where you are coming from and
where are you going to..
but know you regret something that's for due..

din do much to tell you
you were the stranger I already knew..
Smile was one of the few..
blink for your eyes honored my acquaintance
but din stir the blue..

You slipped out of my eyes
and went out of my sight...
Embraced the invisible you..
but still incomplete without you...